


How to Avoid Carpal Tunnel

by Darvyn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, PWP, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, aggressive consent, don't read too much into it please, karkat became human by unexplored means, little to no plot, otherwise enjoy, small mentions of other characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 02:50:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15354600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darvyn/pseuds/Darvyn
Summary: Dave's formerly alien roommate Karkat develops carpal tunnel, and Dave just wants to help him out.





	1. The Problem

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is the first time I'm posting smut. I've been reading and writing it for literal years, but I'm finally biting the bullet and posting it. 
> 
> Not beta'd because I don't have friends. If there are any glaring errors, please let me know.
> 
> \--  
> Yes, you can in fact develop carpal tunnel syndrome from masturbating too much. I literally looked that up for this.
> 
> Chp 1 is M, Chp 2 is E

 

Karkat’s wrist hurts.

When at school Karkat tries as hard as he can to minimize note-taking, just enough so the teacher doesn’t think he’s not listening (he’s not) but not enough to make the nerves in his wrist cry out in pain (it does anyways).

Dave decides to comment on this when they’re chilling together at lunchtime. Today they are sitting alone at one of the many cafeteria tables, so this gentle side of Dave isn’t broadcast to anyone. Well... gentle is one way of putting it. Dave’s ironic and ‘cool guy’ demeanor is slightly subdued as he sees Karkat wince in pain while trying to spoon some cafeteria jello into his mouth.

“Hey man, you okay?” Dave cocks his head to the side, his ever expressive eyebrows are visibly furrowed in concern.

“Fucking fuck...” Karkat mutters under his breath, face reddening. With a frown he looks at Dave and gives him a curt nod and grits out a “Yeah I’m fine.”

Dave’s lips curve into a skeptical frown. “Bullshit. Didja sprain your wrist? We can get you a wrist brace after school. Gotta be more careful, especially with how clumsy you are.” He smiles fondly and pats the shoulder attached to the injured wrist.

Karkat hisses in pain slightly, barely suppressing the sound. Dave withdraws his hand quickly, as if he touched a hot stove.

“The hell? Your shoulder too?” Dave’s face takes on an expression of confusion. “Man, didja fuckin’ body-slam a wall or something?”

Karkat’s face is reddens even more, but the frown keeps steady. He grits out a couple more “I’m fine”s that Dave waves off with a literal hand movement.

“Bullshit. There is a cow dropping it’s hot stinky load all over your words. C’mon, the nurse might have some wraps and a salve to help with the swelling.” Dave pointedly moves to Karkat’s left arm to tug him off the bench of the cafeteria table.

“But my gelatinous fruit treat!” Karkat whines and Dave rolls his eyes. Dave picks up the small plastic cup of jello and puts it up to Karkat’s mouth, still escorting him to the cafeteria double doors. Dave is excellent at multitasking.

“Just suck and it should go right in.”

If Karkat’s face wasn’t red before, it definitely was now. “Jegus fuck Strider, do you fuckin’ realize how fuckin’ perverted that sounded you absolute dumbass?”

Dave replays what he just said in his mind, he nods and grins. “Fuck man, I guess you’re right.”

Karkat unceremoniously dumps the jello into his mouth like a lame shot and chews the fruity gelatin treat with a small smile upon his face. His cheeks still slightly dusted in red, but not nearly as bad as it was a moment ago.

They weave their way through the halls, more specifically Dave tugs Karkat along for a little bit, and Karkat goes along with little to no resistance. Dave figures that Karkat won’t try to dash off, and releases his grasp.

Dave replays what Karkat said, and his face falls slack in realization. He considers confronting Karkat, but decides to wait until after they get to the nurse’s office. The middle aged nurse is with a stressed looking female student as they wait on a couple of the uncomfortably sticky pleather chairs.

Karkat massages his wrist gingerly as Dave scrolls through his phone, checking his newsfeed and shooting off a couple messages and memes to John and Jade.

He is starting a third round of Words with Friends against Rose when the nurse finally lets the girl go and beckons Karkat inside. Dave gives the nurse a nod and she closes the door.

Dave sighs and slumps against the chair slightly. He scratches the side of his jaw, his stubble grates against his fingernails with a pleasant sound. While doing so he whispers four words under his breath in a slightly awed tone.

“ _He finally watched porn_.”

\--

By the time Dave finally has a chance to confront Karkat about his first taste of human depravity, they’re already on their way home. Their knees knock against each other as the bus sways slightly over a speedbump. Karkat is frantically writing down his homework assignment from the planner of the girl in front of them, probably Nicole or something like that. His right hand is wrapped with a bandage as a temporary fix until they get him a wrist brace.

Dave elbows Karkat’s side gently as the bus pulls to a complete stop in front of one of the neighboring buildings. Karkat hurriedly thanks Nicole (?) and gives her back the planner with one hand while simultaneously grabbing his backpack with the other.

They’re the only ones getting off at that stop today, so the moment Karkat’s feet hit the hot pavement the bus doors hiss closed behind them. Karkat kneels down on the ground to properly put all of his belongings into the backpack and zip it closed. He moves his right arm carefully, the muscles of his shoulder still tender from who knows what.

Dave reaches out a hand to Karkat to help pull him up. Without thinking, and because he’s still not one-hundred percent used to human physiology, Karkat takes Dave’s hand with his injured one. What little he started to sit up before his wrist cried out in pain is lost as Karkat yanks his hand back and falls onto his ass.

“Agh fuck! Absolute fucking genius here, everyone look! Let’s all put our hands together for the genius alien that can’t remember basic shit!” If he was yelling at the pain of his wrist or the pain of falling onto the hard asphalt, Dave isn’t quite sure. Dave badly suppresses a snicker at the flailing and cursing, which causes Karkat to narrow his eyes in irritation.

“Fuck you, Strider. Just help me up you sack of shit.”

Dave grins and pulls Karkat up by his left arm.

They bullshit about nonsensical things as they walk to Dave’s apartment complex about half a block away from the bus-stop, they enter the poorly air-conditioned lobby and ascend the flights of stairs. Still not the right moment.

“It’s so fucking idiotic, that this human male kills himself because he couldn’t wait like five fucking minutes to see whether or not that his matesprit used the fake fucking death substance. I mean, don’t humans fucking mourn a little bit before making any hasty fucking decisions, or do they all just give zero fucks about self-preservation?”

“Obviously not, didn’t you know? The moment you find out that the love of your life is dead, you immediately have to commit seppuku and join them in death? All of humanity knows this, get with the fucking program dude.” Dave snickers as he unlocks the door.

They blithely deposit their backpacks onto the ground off to the side of the entrance and kick off their shoes. Karkat stretches out onto the couch almost immediately.

Dave rolls his eyes and walks to the bathroom at the back of the apartment, but not before properly evading miscellaneous falling puppets. Despite not having seen Bro in literal months, the puppets always seem to find their way back into the same prank positions they were in before. Some mysterious ass _bullshit_ , Dave would say if asked candidly.

Holding a shitty sword, Dave enters the bathroom awaiting another felt avalanche. When it doesn’t come, Dave quickly maneuvers the first aid kit out of the cabinet above the toilet with one hand and zips it open. He withdraws the black wrist brace from the back of the bag, places it into his back pocket, and zips it closed.

He finds Karkat laying in the same position that he left him, except that his face is slack in wonder as he scrolls through whatever on the tablet that Dave lent him. Dave overhears David Attenborough’s soothing voice talking about the ocean and he barely supressess an affectionate smile. It’s almost adorable how amazed Karkat is.

Dave mentally shakes himself, quickly derailing that train of thought. He lobs the wrist brace at Karkat and it lands squarely on his face.

“What the shit asdfhjkasd!?” Dave laughs at Karkat’s confused blabbering.

“The soothing timbre of sir Attenborough can wait, lemme help you put this shit on. With this and making sure to ice your wrist every time it acts up, it’ll be back to normal in no time.” Dave plants himself in front of Karkat and hold his palms out in anticipation.

Karkat rolls his eyes and groans in exasperation. He places his wrist into the awaiting palms. Dave starts unwrapping the bandages that the nurse gave Karkat.

“You actually seem to know what the fuck you’re doing.”

Dave smiles softly, “Well yeah, I mean I’ve hurt my wrist before and had to take care of it myself. So I’ve got a pretty good idea.”

Karkat winces slightly, “Oh fuck, yeah. Sorry, didn’t mean to... bring shit up.”

“Nah, it’s okay, man.” Dave shrugs, tightening the velcro straps around Karkat’s wrist. “It was a really stupid way to hurt my wrist anyways, I got really into drawing and decided to draw like thousands of pages of comics.” He changes the subject successfully because Karkat is laughing and snorting.

“You fucking idiot! Jegus fuck. No wonder you got carp tunnel!” Karkat snickers, but stops at the look on Dave’s face.

Dave has his head cocked to the side, his mouth twitching with a smile. With a barely straight face he asks, “Did... did you say ‘carp’ tunnel?”

“Ah, fuck.”

“That’s kinda really fucking adorable, man.”

“Gah, fuck you Strider!” He withdraws his wrist from Dave’s hands and storms out of the living room. But not before turning around quickly and shouting an aggressive “Thank you by the way!”

Dave laughs and calls out after him, “Just make sure to ice it and keep wearing that thing, and it’ll get better in no time! It’s not like you hand-write or draw a ton anyways!”

_Shit I forgot to talk to him about the porn. I’ll ask him later._

\--

He fails to ask him later.

It also doesn’t get better.

“What the hell Karkat? How has it not improved, you’ve been wearing it every day, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ve been icing it?”

“Yes.”

“Have you been writing or drawing more than usual?”

“No.”

“It’s been a fucking week, how has it not gotten better? Do I have to don my nurse’s garb and go all medical on your ass? Because I will fucking do that if that’s what necessary.”

“I don’t fucking know, I thought you were the expert in all things human and shit!”

Dave scoffs, “I’m not an expert, I just happen to be a human, dude.” Dave sighs and chews his bottom lip in thought, “Are you doing anything that requires you to use your wrist more than usual?”

“Y-no.” Karkat barely gets the ‘ye’ sound out before changing it to a ‘no’, but Dave catches it.

He narrows his eyes, “Dude...What was that?”

“I-I mean, technically.... Fuck. No, it’s a no.” Karkat almost spills the beans, but quickly changes his mind mid sentence.

Dave frowns and crosses his arms, he kicks at Karkat gently, who is currently leaning on his preferred right side of the couch. He digs his toes into Karkat’s ribs and tickles him.

“AH FUCK, FUCKING STOP YOU FUCK-TART SHIT-FACE!” Karkat tries to scramble away but Dave quickly reaches over and yanks him back onto the couch and continues the tickling attack with his hands.

“NOOOO! FUCK FUCK OH FUCKING KAY I GIVE I GIVE I’LL TALK, YES, FUCKING YES THERE FUCKING IS SOMETHING!”

Dave sits back triumphantly and grins. Karkat is breathing heavily and his face is incredibly red. Dave makes a sweeping gesture with one of his arms, as if to say ‘go on’.

Karkat frowns and pointedly avoids eye contact, staring at a single stain out of the myriad of stains upon the coffee table in front of them. He opens his mouth a couple times, only to snap it shut. Much like a fish.

After doing this a few more times, he finally gets out a coherent, “Uh....”

Dave repeats the ‘go on’ hand motion and waits. He’s not actually in a rush, but Karkat sometimes needs pushing to say anything.

“Rememberthatwebsiteyoutoldmetocheckout.” It spills out of his mouth in a single jumble of words, but Dave knows exactly what this is about.

_I fucking knew that I forgot to pester him about something, but I was too fucking concerned about his wrist_.

“Ohhhhh....” Dave stretches the single syllable out for a solid five seconds before grinning. “So you’ve been jerking it? Choking the chicken, so to speak?”

Karkat splutters and turns red, his hands wave defensively, as if trying to wave the accusatory words away. “I-I-I mean... yeah?”

“Holy moly, man. How much? To have developed carpal tunnel, you have to have been doing it at least once a day.”

Karkat swallows, and Dave’s eyes catch the movement of his throat, it’s flushed pink, but not as red as his face. “Uh... Jegus fuck Strider, are we really having this fucking conversation.” He swallows once more and Dave watches Karkat lick his lips nervously. “Uh... usually... shit... t-three...”

Dave cocks his head to the side, “Times a week?”

“A day....” Karkat coughs into his shoulder, trying to hide his face.

“Holy shit dude. That would do it. A breakfast, lunch, and dinner wank so to speak.” Dave pauses and scratches the side of his face in thought. “Well that would do it if you were like... solely relying on wrist movement. You might have to improve your technique. But I think that would solve your problem.”

“O-okay.” Karkat nods, makes sense.

Dave grins wholeheartedly, “Good to know I can help! If there’s anything else that you wanna talk to me about, I’m all ears, man. Like fucking Dumbo up in here, but instead of using my ears to fly, I’m using them to be the best friend a man can be to a grumpy former alien.”

Karkat flushes, his face back to the crimson hue that it was when Dave initially said ‘jerking it’. “Do... do you think that you could like... fucking show me or some shit?”

Dave’s face freezes. His voice is strained, “Yes, hell yes, hell fucking yes.”

“Fuck. Great, so--” Karkat moves to stand, but Dave sits him back down and slides over to his side, they are flush against each other and Dave can feel Karkat’s warmth through his shirt.

Dave speaks gently in a low voice, “Okay, so show me how you start...” He can feel Karkat gulp against him. Karkat’s right hand shakily moves to the front of his pants, a very obvious bulge that Dave feels stupid for not noticing sooner is straining against the fabric.

“Do you take the brace off?” He murmurs and he feels Karkat nod in response. Dave deftly undoes the velcro straps and removes the brace from Karkat’s shaking fingers.

“Can we fucking.... I dunno, _not_ do this with a fucking shitty ass audience?”

Dave looks away from Karkat to see that there were at least seven various puppets maintaining heavy eye-contact with the two of them at that moment.

“Yes, that would probably be best.” Dave snorts lightly, “There aren't any puppets in your room, let's go there.”

Dave stands and leads Karkat out of the living room by the fingers of his right hand, gently rubbing the back of the freshly exposed skin. Dave can feel Karkat shudder and mutter a small 'holy shit’ under his breath.

They reach the door leading into Karkat's room a moment later, they enter the room and Dave turns around to make sure there aren’t any peering vacant plastic eyes watching them. He closes the door and turns around to see Karkat sitting on the edge of his bed, fingers clutched into the fabric of his pants so tightly, that his knuckles are white.

“You okay, man?”

“Y-yeah, let's get this jerk session fucking started already.” The words don't have the usual punch behind them.

Dave gives Karkat a sympathetic smile, holds his hands up and stays near the door. “Okay, Karkat, listen to me man. The most important thing about jerking it, or doing anything vaguely sexual, is that everyone involved it happy. Got it? Rule numero uno, the Golden rule so to speak.” He holds up a single finger to punctuate the “oneness” of it.

He sighs and continues, “I'm kinda getting the vibe that you're not into this right now, okay? And when you're not feeling it, you gotta make sure that _everyone_ , including yourself, knows that. And when you know that, you pull that plug. Don't ever, _ever_ , force yourself to do something you don't wanna do. Got it, man?”

“I don't want you to keep hurting yourself because you're experiencing the throes of human puberty for the first time, but I also don't wanna cross any lines that'll make you uncomfortable, m'kay dude?” Dave moves to withdraw his phone, he quickly navigates through his browser to find the porn site that started this all.

“I’mma send you some POV videos of guys jerking themselves off so you can try to mimic the technique, m'kay?” Dave pointedly selects videos that star younger men. He presses send and there is an audible chime of Karkat's computer getting a message.

“And that's the payload! I'mma leave you to get even more intimately acquainted with mini Karkat, and if you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask me dude. Like seriously, lube? More tissues? Me to wear my noise cancelling headphones while you jerk it? I'm here for you dude, and god damn it friends got their friend's backs, or I’m not a red-blooded Texan man.” His twang is especially pronounced with the last sentence and he gives Karkat a small salute.

Dave moves to excuse himself and leave the room, he has the door pulled open a couple feet, a single puppet sits in the hallway, he bends down to introduce it to his sword and step out of the room when Karkat calls out his name with an explicative.

“Dave, fuck.... Get your ass back in here, you stupid fuck-ass.”

Karkat is biting his bottom lip, eyes averted and face red. He seems to be contemplating something rather deeply. Whatever mental conversation he has with himself comes to a conclusion with a physical nod to himself.

“Dave, I want you to fucking _demonstrate_ to me how to jerk off my dick without hurting my shitty fucking human wrist from now on.” Karkat holds up the offending hand with a meek smile. “How you fucking decide to demonstrate... I am deciding to trust you, do what you fucking feel is right for me. We’re doing this Strider. We’re making this fucking jerk session happen!”

_There it is_.

 


	2. The Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave provides a solution to Karkat's problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Boys and dicks ahead

Dave grins and closes the door once more. “You sure about that man? Not too late to back out. At any point you feel even the smallest bit  _ not _ okay with this, you fucking tell me man, you got that Karkat?”

Karkat rolls his eyes, “Jegus fuck Strider, I fucking got it. Consent is your fucking kink. You don’t have to fucking tell me again. Wanna set some fucking safe words while we're fucking at it, Dave?”

“HEY.” Karkat starts at the sudden outburst, and Dave continues, “Firstly, you don't know the first thing about my kinks. But aggressive consent is definitely one of them. Secondly, yes. We should definitely set a safe word actually, thank you for that brilliant contribution from the peanut gallery. Stop is good, but sometimes people say stop in a 'stop I'm about to come’ way and not a full stop way. We should set a full stop word.”

“Fucking hell Strider that was a joke you dumbass.” Karkat's face is flushed in an almost permanently red hue.

“And you said that you trust me. So we're gonna do this my way. Safe word. Now.”

“Fuck you. There we go, 'fuck you’, good enough?”

Dave chuckles attractively, “Dude, it has to be something that you  _ don't  _ say often, man.”

“Shit, uh... Romeo? Because fuck that fucking play, so fucking sick of of over-analyzing bullshit characters that don't fucking do anything worthwhile. Where is the romance? I was fucking promised one of Earth’s most famous love stories, and there is absolutely  _ no _ chemistry! Note that I didn’t even bring up the fact that there wasn’t any  _ delicious _ quadrant vacillation, despite that being the superior plot-device in romantic endeavors. They barely know each other! I would be able to withstand the shitty human romance a little more if they spoke for more than ten fucking minutes to one another--”

“Great! That'll work.” Dave cuts Karkat off before the rant gets any longer.

“Soo....” Karkat's hands flutter against his knees a couple times as he draws out the word, “How're we gonna fucking do this?”

Dave shoots him a grin and seats himself at Karkat's side, similar to the arrangement that they previously had on the living room couch. Karkat's breath hitches at the sudden presence, the warmth of Dave’s shoulder heating the sore muscles of his own shoulder. Dave stretches his left arm out and envelopes Karkat in an almost one-armed hug. Karkat side eyes Dave as the other leans in to murmur into his ear.

“First I want you to show me how you do it yourself, we can work on improving your technique from there.”

Karkat gulps audibly and nods. He quickly unbuttons his pants and stands to pull them off, Dave’s arm drops as he waits. In his haste, Karkat also pulls off his boxers and a sock. He sits back down on the edge of the bed, fully naked below the belt-line, save for the one sock that didn’t come off all the way. His cock is standing rigidly, fully erect, emerging from a bush of dark hair. There is a single bead of precome threatening to spill, and Dave has to use all of his self-control to not slide off the bed and worship Karkat with his mouth.

Instead Dave shakily licks his lips and speaks once more in a low tone, trying his hardest to keep it steady, “What do you do next?”

“Shit... well I fucking...” Karkat clumsily takes the cock into his right hand sloppily starts tugging at the flesh. The maneuver is about sixty percent wrist movement, and forty percent arm, with absolutely no hip movement. Karkat gasps at the sensation, “Ah... fuck, yes, fuck yes...” He closes his eyes, his face screwed up in both pleasure and pain. The wrist movements stutter and he gasps out a small ‘ow, shit’.

Dave manages to tear his eyes away from Karkat’s face and places his hand over Karkat’s, pulling it away from the aching cock. Dave shifts subtly, his own cock straining against the zipper of his skinny jeans painfully. Karkat is breathing heavily as his cock twitches, some precome dribbled down the side of his cock, and was smeared over the underside during his hasty ministrations. Dave finds himself licking his lips once more, they’re really too dry to be comfortable.

“Okay... so your technique definitely needs some improvement, dude.” Dave chuckles breathlessly, Karkat’s hand twitches in his grasp, desperately wanting to resume touching the heated flesh. And honestly? Dave wants to touch it just as much, if not more. He bites his bottom lip, wondering what to do next. He never imagined that he would get this opportunity, and he is incredibly nervous about messing it up. He desperately wants Karkat to feel good, almost as much as he wants to make Karkat feel good. Dave mentally nods to himself, determined to find a good compromise.

“First thing’s first, you’re still okay with this, right?”

Karkat nods quickly, his breathing is still coming in short pants.

“Secondly, do I have your permission to touch you... ‘below the belt’ so to speak?” Dave stops breathing as he awaits Karkat’s response to that question.

A couple moments pass, and Karkat exhales his words in a jumbled rush, “Hellfuckingyes.” His cheeks are painted red, and he turns his face away from Dave’s.

Dave exhales in relief.

“Okay then Karkles, next thing we’re gonna do is explore your  _ erogenous _ zones.”

Karkat turns and gives Dave a comically confused facial expression, he emits a very loud, ‘huh’ and a “The fuck are genos zones?”

Dave grins and cups Karkat’s face with the hand that was previously holding Karkat’s. He leans in, a couple inches away from Karkat’s face and speaks, breath ghosting over the other’s lips.

“Erogenous zones, Karkles. They’re places on your human body that make you feel good, and don’t require you to use your wrist as aggressively.  _ Sensitive _ places.” Dave leans in a little more, and Karkat freezes. “Lips just happen to be one of those fucking places, man.”

Dave tilts his head to the side, a hair's breadth away from Karkat’s lips. As he speaks, his lips barely brush against Karkat’s. “Can I kiss you, Karkat?”

Karkat licks his lips, and his tongue barely brushes Dave’s lips. He swallows loudly once more, and breathes out a barely audible, “Fuck yes.”

Dave really has to applaud himself. The self-control that he exhibited earlier, amazing. But the moment that his lips came into contact with Karkat’s, he could feel all the self-control melting away. He can feel Karkat making surprised noises as Dave presses himself closer. 

Karkat is by no means a good kisser, his lips are clamped shut, his hands are clamped at his sides in shock. He is very clamped up overall. But Dave persists. Dave licks at Karkat’s lips, and Karkat gasps. Dave takes the opportunity to lick into Karkat’s mouth.

“Mmf!? Wha-?” Karkat pulls away and covers his mouth, eyes widened in surprise. “What the fuck was that shit, Dave?”

“You have to be more relaxed Karkitty, ain’t nothin’ gonna feel good if you’re not relaxed. Same goes for a buncha other sexual things.” Dave licks the taste of Karkat off of his lips. 

Karkat’s eyes follow the movement and he nibbles his bottom lip. He nods. “O-okay man. I’m fucking trusting you. Work your shitty kissing bullshit moves upon me. Make me swoon, Dave.”

Dave gasps in mock offense, “Oh! Excuse you! I am but a sweet southern belle, and I cannot for the life of me believe that you would  _ dare _ call my kisses, and by default  _ me _ , bullshit! What is a girl to do? I think I’mma have to kiss you even more to prove myself.”

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Karkat says with no malice and a fond smile.

Dave grins in response and dives back in. Karkat is exponentially more receptive the second time around. When Dave licks at his lips, he opens them immediately. Dave licks into his mouth and brushes against the sensitive palate. Karkat inhales sharply and moans in the back of throat. Dave grins into his mouth and pulls back, giving Karkat’s bottom lip a small nip before pulling away completely.

“Holy fuck.” Karkat’s face is red, and his lips slightly swollen from the kissing. Dave can feel his cock twitch at the sight.

“Holy fuck indeed.” His voice is hoarse, thick with lust. But he has a more important priority at this moment. Dave licks his lips once more, but this time to taste what is left of Karkat. Karkat watches the movement with a bated breath, eyes filled with anticipation.

Dave chuckles at the expression on Karkat’s face. “Okay... so lips aren’t the only thing you can kiss, fucking obviously. There are other places on the human body that feel really good when they’re kissed and touched. I’m gonna kiss you some more, and touch you a little bit. Got it?”

Karkat nods quickly, with zero hesitation. Dave grins, and Karkat returns it easily.

“Okay, okay okay. I’m gonna need you to lay down on your back. Get as comfortable as you can, okay dude? Just not so comfortable that you fucking fall asleep or some shit. Just get cozy up in here. And I’ll be right back.” Dave slides off the bed and Karkat shifts into place, a slightly confused expression upon his face.

“Oh, and no touching!”

Karkat’s face falls into a horrified frown and Dave cackles as the door closes behind him.

Dave quickly shuffles to his room, walking slightly bow legged because of the swollen erection. While withdrawing his bottle of lube from the nightstand with one hand, he pulls his tight skinny jeans off with the other. He tosses his jeans onto his bed silently cursing himself for not having them do this in his room, but he has more pressing matters on hand. More specifically his attractive former-alien roommate that he just made out with in the next room over.

He looks down at the erection tenting his briefs. There was no hiding it like this. He hesitates for a moment before adjusting himself and pulling on some pajama pants. Everything takes a minute total and he quickly walks back to Karkat’s room. He raps the door with his knuckles gently, and Karkat responds with a strangled ‘come in’.

Dave opens the door to find Karkat lying supine on the bed, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides, not touching anything as instructed. Something inside Dave purrs happily at the sight. Karkat’s cock is still standing rigidly, the tip is dark red with precome still beading and dripping. Dave closes the door behind himself gently, not slamming closed it like his body wanted him to.

He walks over and places the bottle of lube on the window sill next to the bed before crawling onto the bed and positioning himself parallel to Karkat’s body, arms bracketed around Karkat’s head and legs straddling Karkat’s.

“Oh fuck.” Karkat whispers under his breath. He can see Karkat’s pupils widen even more. 

Dave exhales shakily, eyes drinking in the sight of Karkat flushed and aroused beneath him. He nods, steadying himself. He sits up and grabs the bottle of lube, popping it open. He silently nudges the clenched right fist with the bottle and Karkat opens his hand immediately. Dave gives Karkat an appreciative smile and squirts a palmful of lube into the awaiting hand.

“Gah! What the fuck Strider!? Is this fucking  _ genetic material _ !?”

“Lube. Lubrication. It’ll make jerking it become more like...  _ sliding _ it, so to speak. Your dick will appreciate it, I thought you trusted me man.” Dave closes the cap and puts the bottle back on the window sill, “Just let it warm up a little and then rub it all over your dick, got it Karkitty?”

“Fucking yeah, I got it. Got this shit on lock. It’s gonna slide just like a bulge. Why the fuck human bulges don’t create enough self-lubrication until after the fact, I will never fucking know.” Karkat mutters, eyes screwed up in concentration. 

Dave snickers and gives Karkat a quick chaste kiss.  _ So cute! _ Karkat makes a surprised squeak at the sudden kiss.

“Okay, so I’m gonna kiss and touch you a little bit now. I’ll tell you when you can touch your dick, okay dude?” Dave chokes on the ‘okay dude’, his breathing is coming heavily as he awaits Karkat’s response.

“Fucking do it Strider, I am so fucking ready to receive this human masturbatory bullshit lesson. Teach me the ways of human self-pleasure, because I’m a dumb fucking troll that can’t even jerk a human bulge right.” He babbles a little and Dave descends.

Dave cups the back of Karkat’s head with one hand and slides his free hand under Karkat’s t-shirt. He kisses and nips at Karkat’s lips, making him gasp. Karkat keeps his mouth parted in anticipation, but Dave slides his lips away from the mouth and presses a couple kisses to Karkat’s jawline. With the hand threaded through Karkat’s hair, Dave tilts Karkat’s head upwards kisses the underside of the jaw. He kisses a line along Karkat’s jugular, and he feels the fluttering of Karkat’s heartbeat through his lips.

Karkat takes a sharp intake of breath when Dave laps the sensitive skin of his neck. He sucks the skin gently and adds a little pressure from his teeth. Karkat chokes out a moan and a stream of words.

“Oh fuck oh shit that feels really good, what the shit Strider?”

Dave smiles into the skin of his neck and nuzzles his lips over the skin as he works his way to Karkat’s collarbones. Dave nibbles the skin gently and Karkat tastes like sweat and the generic soap that they both use. Dave plants another kiss on Karkat’s pulsepoint and returns to the parted lips. He lazily kisses and licks his way into Karkat’s mouth, humming gently.

A small groan comes from the back of Karkat’s throat and Dave smiles into the kiss triumphantly. Dave pulls back to breathlessly murmur four words against Karkat’s lips before diving back in.

“ _ Gonna touch you now _ .”

The hand under Karkat’s shirt finally moves from its position on Karkat’s hip to sidle up the sides of Karkat’s torso. Dave’s fingers brush over the expanse of heated skin, feeling the bones and musculature. He touches the skin gently, just barely grazing over the flesh.

Karkat shudders at the sensation, unable to say anything because of Dave simultaneously probing his mouth with his hot tongue. Dave’s fingers gently press into the flesh of Karkat’s pectorals, carefully avoiding the nipples.

Dave pulls his hand back, and Karkat makes a disappointed sound. Dave pulls away from Karkat’s mouth with a lick of his lips and sits back, straddling Karkat’s legs. Karkat’s cock is mere inches away from Dave’s, and it takes every last ounce of his willpower to not rock his hips forward and grind against the hot cock until they’re both moaning and gasping and coming.

But he persists.

Dave laughs shakily, “In hindsight, we should have taken your shirt off before we started this dude.”

Karkat looks down at his rumpled t-shirt and the handful of lube, he snickers, “Yeah, you fucking genius, I thought you had all this planned out damn it, mister let me teach you how to jerk off.”

“Yeah yeah, I know man. Okay. I’ve got an idea. Sit up.” Dave sits back on his haunches and lets Karkat shakily sit up, “We’re gonna take your shirt off very carefully, dude. I mean, not that it matters if you spill the lube, I got plenty more where that came from. But it’s finally up to temperature, and ya probably don’t wanna wait.” He punctuates the last word with a wink over his shades.

“Yeah, you’re fucking right man. Let’s do this!” Karkat says enthusiastically. Dave smiles affectionately and begins the removal of Karkat’s shirt.

After a couple minutes of fabric wrestling, they manage to remove the shirt with minimal lubrication loss. Dave can see the spread of Karkat’s blush and how it is reddening the skin of his chest and shoulders. Dave also looks at the small trail of dark hair directly beneath the belly button and how it leads to the neglected cock. He’s so proud of Karkat for resisting and not sloppily jerking himself to completion this entire time.

Karkat’s face darkens even more, his left hand moves to cover his face in embarrassment. Dave catches the wrist of the offending hand and puts it back at Karkat’s hip.

“Don’t do that.”

“Holy fuck, Dave. This is absolutely embarrassing as fuck.” Karkat babbles, “Why the fuck l am I the only one that isn’t wearing anything right now? Is this some piece of the shitty puzzle that which is human physiology? Tell me Strider, why the fuck am I the only one not wearing any clothes?”

Dave laughs, “Whatcha talkin’ about man? You’ve got a single sock on!” He reaches behind himself and pulls the sock off, he holds it in front of the two of them, “ _ Now _ you’re not wearing any clothes.”

“Jegus fuck you dumbass, you fucking know what the I fucking meant you piece of shit.” Karkat successfully covers his face with his hand since Dave let it go to take his sock off.

Dave snorts, “Well I didn’t think you’d want to see me naked, dude. You’d see how fucking turned on you’ve got me.” He drops his voice a little lower and leans forward, “Do you  _ want _ to see me naked, Karkitty?”

“Hellyesfuckyes.”

Dave’s grin slackens in genuine surprise, me murmurs out a small ‘okay wow’.

Karkat peers over his fingers with a slightly quizzical expression. “Seriously? Did you honest to Gog think that I didn’t fucking want to?”

Dave swallows shakily, “Uh... kinda? Yeah dude. I kinda did.” He laughs awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his head slightly.

“Well that’s fucking stupid. Fucking lose the shitty shirt and the equally shitty pajama pants that you insist on wearing around the apartment twenty-four fucking seven and  _ please _ continue fucking touching me.”

“Aye aye captain Karkat, I am at your beck and call like a good bosun.” Dave responds with renewed enthusiasm, he pulls off his shirt in a single fluid motion and he hears a small ‘oh’ from the man beneath him. He grins and slides off the bed to give himself enough room to pull off the pajama pants. He can feel Karkat’s eyes following his movements, he looks over his shoulder to confirm that indeed Karkat’s eyes were mesmerized by Dave’s undressing.

Dave feels warmth pooling in his belly as he wriggles his pants off. Well, there goes any chance of hiding how turned on he is. His cock is straining against the fabric of his briefs, the tip is peeking out over the band because of the precautionary adjustments he made in his room earlier. He adjusts himself once more before turning around.

Karkat’s eyes rove over Dave’s body hungrily and Dave can feel himself flushing in embarrassment. 

“Holy fuck... a-aren’t you gonna lose the fucking shitty underwear too? I can’t believe that you’re just standing there like that with not a care in the world in fucking Superman underwear, like some sort of stupidly handsome loser. But that’s beside the point, you’re not actually naked you damn shit-faced fuck-ass.” Karkat’s voice is thick with lust and Dave can feel his heart pounding.

“Uh uh uh!” Dave waggles a single finger, “You said ‘lose the pants’, you never said that I had to remove my underwear, Karkles.”

“Fuck you.”

“Hehe,” Dave giggles stupidly and moves back onto the bed, repositioning himself over Karkat’s body.

Before he can do anything else though, Karkat’s lube-less hand snatches his shades off of his face and tosses them in a random direction.

Dave blinks in surprise and Karkat smiles triumphantly, drinking in the sight of Dave’s clearly visible red eyes. 

“Fuck, your eyes are really fucking pretty. Did you know that if I was still a troll, my eyes would eventually be red like that? I don’t know how good it would have looked on me, but when it’s you I just can’t fucking look away.”

Dave ducks his head in embarrassment, face burning red, “Jesus christ, you sure know how to make a lady blush...”

“What?” Karkat pouts, “I’m just fucking speaking my mind.”

Dave levels his face with Karkat’s and smiles, “Yeah I know, man. And it’s fucking adorable.”

He descends and connects their lips together once more. Karkat hums appreciatively into the kiss, and Dave deepens it. Karkat enthusiastically licks back into Dave’s mouth, and Dave chokes off a moan at the sudden intrusion.

Dave pulls back and Karkat is giving him a satisfied smirk. 

He returns the smirk with a mischievous smile, Karkat quirks a single eyebrow in confusion. Dave rubs both of his palms up Karkat’s sides, they come to rest at his chest. He experimentally rolls a single nipple under one of his thumbs. Karkat gasps and arches at the sensation. Satisfied with the reaction, Dave repeats the motion with the second nipple.

“Whattheshit!?” The words spill out between moans, and Karkat’s hips finally buck upwards.

Dave smiles, wanting to purr in glee at the reactions. Instead he lowers himself and kisses at Karkat’s neck once more. He gently rubs both nipples with his thumbs and sucks at the pulsepoint, tongue gently probing the sensitive flesh.

“Fuckwhatohgod...I’mso...whatthefuck...close!” Gasps and moans punctuate the gaps between the flood of words.

“Ah...” Dave pulls away from Karkat’s neck, “Well we can’t have that yet, Karkles. I haven’t even taught you anything yet dude.”

“You’ve...taught me.... Fucking plenty....” Karkat is speaking breathlessly, and Dave feels his heart thrum in satisfaction. “Who’d’a... who’d’a fucking thought.... That... fuck... not just the human bulge-dick... feels so... fucking good...”

“The majority of humanity.” Dave poorly supressess a snicker, his eyes visibly sparkling with glee. 

“Well then fucking fuck me for not originally being a fucking human, dipshit.” Karkat sighs and leans back, looking thoroughly disheveled. “Fuuuuck....”

“Perfect.” Dave grins and leans back. “Captain Karkat, you may now cover your dick in lube.” Karkat practically screams in relief, but Dave grabs his right wrist before the palm can touch the neglected cock. “But! Only cover it, don’t jerk it quite yet.”

“Gah! Fuck you man! Fucking hell, you’re never gonna fucking let me fucking jerk off are you you fuck-ass shitface!?”

Dave holds up his hands in resignation, “I mean, if you don’t want my help, by all means, go ahead and jerk yourself off with solely wrist movements and continue hurting yourself.” The tone is mostly joking, but there is a small kernel of sincerity.

Karkat slumps in defeat, Dave knows what he’s talking about. He  _ has  _ been human his entire life, “Ugh, fucking fine, Strider, you damn idiot.”

Karkat carefully let’s the warm lube drip out of his palm and onto his cock. He really did get quite close earlier, there are prominent streaks of precome coating the outside of the cock and the tip is flushed dark red. He hisses at the sensation of the lube dripping down the sides and he clamps his hand down around the cock. It takes everything, every ounce of willpower he has, to not start jerking himself off. But he does it. Karkat carefully coats his cock with the lube, the palm of his hand sliding over the flushed skin of his cock so much easier than usual. His cock definitely appreciated it. Karkat stops the ministrations with an immense effort and lets his hand fall to his side.

“Good job, hon.” Dave purrs the words, voice husky after watching, and Karkat shudders.

“So... you now know that you don’t have to touch just your dick to get off. Capiche, Karkitty?”

Karkat nods silently.

“Next thing you absolutely  _ have _ to learn is fucking hip movements.” Dave snakes his hands up Karkat’s thighs and palms the flushed skin of Karkat’s hips. He massages his thumbs into the bony flesh with a look of concentration upon his face.

“These…” Dave rubs the hip bones determinedly. He slides his hands down to Karkat’s trembling thighs, dangerously close to the twitching cock, “and these, are gonna be your saving grace. M’kay? They’re gonna work in conjunction like the most raunchy pas de deux that you will have ever fucking seen. And they’re gonna swoop in and save your wrist like the damsel in distress it is.”

“ _ Fuck _ .” Karkat whispers under his breath, and makes a sound that sounds almost like a whimper at Dave’s slow drawl and elaborate simile.

“Okay, so next thing I need ya to do is practice moving your hips. Got that Karkat?”

Karkat nods, eyes slightly unfocused but determined, “Yeah, I got it. Gonna fucking move my hips to save my wrist.”

“Exactly right.” Dave presses a kiss to Karkat’s chest, that being the easiest place to reach at the moment. He eyes the dusky nipples but steadies himself. Dave looks up to see Karkat’s eyes boring into him. Karkat bites his bottom lip and Dave doesn’t hold back. He surges up and forward to mash their lips together.

Karkat weaves both hands into his hair. A small part in the back of Dave’s mind shouts ‘hand lube!’, but it is quickly silenced when Karkat pulls him deeper into the kiss. The tug at his scalp is slightly painful, but not overwhelmingly so. He groans into Karkat’s mouth and finds himself pressing down on his erection with the hand not suspending himself.

“Fuck…” Dave gasps into Karkat’s mouth, the sensation of Karkat nipping at his lips and tugging at this hair makes his head spin. He pulls back from the kiss, breathing heavily, and Karkat is looking up at him with half-lidded eyes. Karkat’s eyes flicker downwards to see Dave palming himself through his admittedly dorky Superman briefs.

“Am I making things a bit  _ hard _ for you, Dave?” A shit-eating grin works its way across Karkat’s face and Dave groans in exasperation, he pulls back and sits on his haunches.

“If you were trying to  _ kill _ my boner, great fucking job. You John Wilkes Booth’d the shit out of my dick.” It’s a bold-faced lie, Dave’s boner wasn’t going anywhere. “C’mon, you gotta learn hip movements now. It’s the final lesson of my kickboxing VHS set, and you definitely don’t wanna miss what happens next.”

“Oh fuck you man, you get to say your weird metaphors and similes and shit, and I say  _ one _ fucking pun and you get to throw a bitch-fit? That is the ripest bullshit I have experienced all day.”

Dave swivels slightly and grabs Karkat’s ankles, “Shut up.” Dave flattens Karkat’s feet against the bed, bending his legs slightly as if Karkat was a giant poseable action figure. Though admittedly a lot hotter than an action figure, but that’s just Dave’s opinion.

Satisfied with his adjustments, Dave crawls over Karkat to kneel at the right side of his body. He smiles down at Karkat, and in response Karkat rolls his eyes. 

“If you’re gonna roll your eyes at me like some petulant six year old, I guess I shouldn’t do what I was gonna do.”

“And exactly what the fuck were you going to do, other than have me lay on my bed naked like a chump, awaiting the moment the great Dave Strider completes his damn masturbatory lesson. Which really could have been condensed into a single pamphlet of ‘don’t use your wrist as much’ and ‘use your fucking hips, yo’.” Karkat frowns up at Dave’s coy smile.

Dave closes his eyes and shushes Karkat with a press of a finger to his lips, “Shhh….”

The room is filled with the sound of air escaping a balloon as Dave leans over Karkat’s torso, continuing his shushing. Karkat’s frown looks especially ridiculous with Dave’s finger pushing into it, but he continues frowning anyways. Dave reopens his eyes a few inches away from Karkat’s face and poorly suppresses a snicker at the angry facial expression.

“Well…” Dave voice is low, but dripping with sarcasm, “I was  _ going  _ to do something like this…” The hand not pressing into Karkat’s lips snakes down the supine body. He flashes a toothy grin as his hand envelopes the base of Karkat’s cock.

“Oh fuck!” Karkat jolts, his hips immediately buck upwards, desperate for friction. His feet dig into the mattress as his hips move almost autonomously. The angry face is nowhere to be seen and Dave finds himself breathing heavily. 

The cock is warm and slippery because of the lube, it slides between his fingers easily as Karkat frantically bucks his hips. The movements are jittery, but Dave can only imagine about how nice it would be to rut against one another. Slick and hot, sloppy movements. Dave licks his lips and watches Karkat’s face screw up in pleasure.

With an immense effort, Dave manages to withdraw his hand from the hot slippery cock. Just as disappointed as Karkat, if not more. Though Karkat’s subsequent rant would say otherwise.

“What the shit Strider!? How is teasing me like this conducive to me improving my stupid human mastubatory habits? Is that it? Is that the fucking secret? The secret to not injuring my pathetically weak human wrist is to just fucking  _ not _ masturbate? We’ve fucking cracked the secret everyone! The secret to not hurting yourself, is to  _ not _ fucking do anything ever! Fucking brilliant, Dave. You are the genius--”

Dave cuts him off with a chaste kiss. When Dave pulls away, Karkat’s eyebrows are still furrowed in anger and his mouth opens to start a new flood of words. Only the sentence “Can’t shut me up that fucking easily!” makes it out before Dave carefully grabs the injured wrist and guides it between Karkat’s legs.

Karkat’s eyes widen in shock as he looks down at the combination of Dave’s and his own fingers enveloping his neglected cock. A slow smile works its way across Dave’s face.

“Congratulations Karkat, you have completed my twelve-step program of masturbation improvement. You are graduating at the top of your class, and you may now partake in the ever elusive graduation ceremony. Please, use any class materials to aid in your ceremony, and enjoy.” Dave swallows shakily, “And by class materials I mean me. You can use my hand in conjunction with yours. Just don’t move your fucking wrist for the love of God. But anyways, piston your hips like a fucking train until you’re satisfied and blowing your steam all over the land.”

“Gross, Dave.” Karkat snickers, but then nods. He moves his hips experimentally, gasping at the sensation of having  _ two _ hands encompassing his cock. “Ah…” He sighs in relief and pleasure, his eyes flutter closed and his hips move a little faster, “...fuck…”

Dave bites his lips at the sounds Karkat makes, he feels the slide of the cock between both of their fingers and feels his own cock twitch in interest. He palms himself with his unoccupied hand, his hips roll forward as his cock seeks more stimulation. Dave grits out a small ‘fuck’ and shoves his hand into his briefs. He pulls at his own cock in time with the thrusts of Karkat’s hips. 

“D-Dave?”

Dave looks up to see Karkat staring at him with blown eyes, his hip movements have slowed and his breathing laborious. His lips are parted and red, and Dave wants to kiss him some more. He hesitates for a split second before leaning down once more to press his lips against Karkat’s. Karkat gasps and moans in the back of his throat as Dave moves his hand up and down gently in time with the slower hip movements.

They part from the kiss and Dave looks into Karkat’s darkened eyes. Karkat swallows and licks his lips quickly.

“Is there some sort of way that humans can… use their bulge-dicks together?” His voice is hesitant and his eyes avoid Dave’s gaze for a moment before resuming eye-contact with renewed confidence, “Fuck, what am I saying? Dave, let’s jerk our dicks off together. It’s frankly sad having you jerk yourself off to the side while you’re helping me out. I watched a movie where a depressed young male orders delivery and then the delivery man is paid with the sexual action of rubbing their dicks against one another. There were other nuances to the story and various other sex things occured, but that specific part of the bulges rubbing against one another is what I would like to do with you.”

“Oh holy shit.” Dave quickly withdraws his hand from his briefs and steadies himself, dangerously close to the precipice of an orgasm because of Karkat’s words.

“Yes, fuck yes.” Dave pulls his underwear off with both hands and shoots it off into a random corner of the room while babbling, “Holy fuck, it’s like you read my mind Karkles. You think I’m joking? No, I am be one hundred percent real with you right now. I have literally thought about it twice since we’ve started this epic quest of saving Karkat’s wrist from perishing in the fiery pits of hell because of you masturbating too much.” Dave straddles Karkat’s thighs, cock standing proudly and incredibly red. 

“Oh my gog.” Karkat whispers from beneath him.

“Just sit back and relax, and enjoy the show. I’ve got this handled Karkitty.” Dave is breathless but trembling with excitement.

Before Karkat can get another quip out, Dave seats himself on Karkat’s lap and rubs his cock against Karkat’s.

“Fuck.” The both call out simultaneously. Dave snorts and Karkat smiles crookedly. 

“Oh mistah Vantas, are you gonna help a gal out?” Dave rolls his hips forward, generating that sweet friction that they both craved. “Gonna help me feel real good.” He chokes on the words and his hand descends onto both of their cocks. There is a lot of leftover lube that makes it difficult to maintain a steady grasp, but the sound of Karkat gasping in pleasure and him gripping Dave’s hip with a bruising pressure eggs him on.

“Jegus fuck Dave…” Karkat’s still slightly lube-y hand weaves into Dave’s hair once more and pulls him down into another kiss. Dave groans into Karkat’s mouth and his hand works over both of their cocks with an insistent pressure and pace.

Dave’s hips buck in earnest as he feels himself getting closer to completion. Karkat is muttering a mantra of ‘fuck fuck fuck’ into the space between their lips, his hips occasionally jolting as Dave swipes his thumb over the heads of their cocks, smearing their precome together. 

“Holy shit this is so fucking hot.” Dave nuzzles Karkat’s neck again and presses kisses to the sensitive skin. He picks up the pace with his hand and Karkat groans appreciatively. He rolls his hips once more and Karkat gasps out Dave’s name.

“F-fuck, I’m getting close…” 

Dave smiles into Karkat’s skin and mouths the pulse point carefully. His hand works over the cocks quickly, Karkat’s is twitching and spilling precome down the side. 

“Dave, fuck oh gog.” Karkat’s back arches off the bed and into Dave’s body, muscles tightening in anticipation. He can feel Karkat’s thighs trembling beneath himself, he bites down on the hot skin and sucks it into his mouth, his free hand quickly tweaks a single nipple.

“Fuck fuck fuck!” A scream of pleasure rips its way out of Karkat’s throat and his cock is suddenly spasming and dripping come all over his stomach and Dave’s fingers. Karkat slumps bonelessly onto the bed, gasping for air. 

Dave immediately releases Karkat’s cock and quickly pumps his hand over his own. He rolls his hips into his fist, eyes clenched in concentration and vividly imagining the expression Karkat made as he spilled onto the two of them. His eyes snap open when he feels shaking fingers envelope the head of his cock.

Karkat is looking up with a pleased and thoroughly disheveled look, a small satisfied smile on his usually aggressively displeased face. He is pointedly not moving his wrist, just keeping his fingers in a circle that Dave can fuck himself into. 

“Oh fuck Karkat…” The notion and consideration alone pushes Dave right to the brink. He pistons his hips a couple more times into the tight heat of his and Karkat’s hands. The heat grows unbearable and his cock twitches in release as he gasps out another curse word. His come joins Karkat’s on his fingers and Karkat’s stomach.

He slumps forward, smearing the come on both of their stomachs, face buried into Karkat’s hair.

“Fucking, ew, Strider.” Karkat grumbles from beneath him.

Dave peels himself off of Karkat and looks down at their stomachs, “Oh shit, sorry.” He grabs Karkat’s discarded t-shirt and wipes both of their stomachs.

“Excuse me are you fucking using my shirt to wipe up our human genetic material!?” 

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Karkles, I’ll do laundry.” Dave tosses the soiled shirt in the direction of where he flung his underwear earlier. He lowers himself and half-lays back down onto Karkat, burying his face into Karkat’s neck, “Just enjoy the afterglow, my crabby student. The absolute final lesson, the epilogue lesson, so to speak. Just sit back and relax.”

Dave shifts closer to Karkat’s side, draping a single arm across Karkat’s chest and sighs relaxedly. 

“Holy fuck you’re a cuddler.” Dave stiffens infinitesimally, “That’s fucking perfect.”

“Fuck yeah I’m a cuddler. I’ll cuddle the shit out of you, if you’d let me. Don’t test me on this.” Dave relaxes and nuzzles the skin closest to himself. He presses a small kiss to Karkat’s shoulder and smiles.

“I think I just might have to test you. Fucking prove it, Strider. Show me the ways of your epic Strider patented cuddles.”

“You sure you wanna start this now?” Dave quirks an eyebrow at no one in particular.

“Absolutely. We’re doing this right this very second, Dave. We’re making this cuddle session happen.”

Dave groans in exasperation, the things he does for this not-alien boy.

“Fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well uh... this is very self-indulgent overall. Can you tell that I just want them to be happy? 
> 
> And how tf did a PWP grow to 9,000+ words? Legit, the document where I typed this is 20 pgs long lol
> 
> Anyways, I know I'm not super good at writing smut, but here you go internet. Maybe someone will find joy in this.
> 
> Feedback is appreciated, but not necessary.
> 
> Best.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 2nd chapter ~~will be posted soon [and by soon, I mean either tonight or tomorrow]. I'm literally in the middle of writing it as I write this note. Why yes, I am stupidly impatient about posting this.~~ has been posted!
> 
> Feedback is appreciated but not necessary.
> 
> Best.


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